I know I sound like a broken record sometimes. I bang on about the same core things over and over again — because they’re the foundations. Not just ideas or theories, but lived truths. And if you want real change, you don’t get to do them once and move on. Healing doesn’t work like that.
There is nothing about healing that’s a one-off. It’s not a box you tick. It’s a living process — a relentless, sometimes brutal, always enlightening process that builds on itself. And if you’re really doing it, if you’re really on that train, there’s no getting off. Not ever.
Sometimes it can feel like a never-ending ride, and you might think, “Why is this still happening?” I get that. I’ve had those moments. But often, the repeated onslaughts are because you haven’t fully got the lesson yet. And 99% of the time, that lesson is tied to personal responsibility.
Let me tell you a story.
Back in 2016, I was still married. We’d been together for eight years, had three children, and the relationship was… challenging, to say the least. I loved him. Deeply. Probably more than I’d ever loved anyone. And because of that, I had built up a whole fantasy about what this relationship was supposed to be. I had expectations — not just of our life together, but of him. Of who I wanted him to become.
But here’s the thing — if someone is showing you who they are, and they’re not aligned with the values or qualities you need, you can’t keep pretending. You can’t blame them for being who they are. And you definitely can’t play the victim. Well...you can, but then you stay stuck!
And that’s what I did. I played the victim. I convinced myself I was the one being wronged. That I was innocent because I loved him, because I was loyal, because I was honest — and because he wasn’t those things, I felt justified in my pain, my anger, my suffering.
But the truth was, I wasn’t taking responsibility. I was lying to myself. I stayed in cognitive dissonance for nearly a decade because I wanted to believe the lies he told me. And when he didn’t follow through, I blamed him. Easy out. I thought I was the good one. The honest one. But I wasn’t honest with myself.
Eventually, my body started reacting. I developed huge hives, welts across my face — I was literally inflamed with rage and powerlessness. That was the turning point. I sat with myself in meditation, and the truth hit me like lightning: I was responsible for what I was feeling. For the pain, the anger, the blame.
He didn’t do that to me — I let it happen. I gave my power away. He had shown me who he was, and I chose to stay. That moment cracked something open in me. It was like I reclaimed a piece of myself that I didn’t know I’d lost.
From that point on, the hives stopped. I stopped waiting for him to change. I stopped blaming him for not living up to a fantasy I created. I started taking real, grounded responsibility for my own choices. That was the beginning of my soul healing journey.
And here’s what I’ve learned: anytime I feel disempowered, I’m slipping back into victim mode. And the moment I catch it, I ask — what is this showing me? What do I need to learn, or do differently so that I can shift it?
Personal responsibility has completely changed my life.
It’s helped me take my power back, set boundaries, walk away from relationships that aren’t aligned — even when it broke my heart. I had to face the shame of a second failed marriage. I had to grieve the fairy tale. I had to accept I’d be raising my kids alone.
And I did it anyway.
It wasn’t easy, but it was right. And once I really chose myself, I never looked back.
So if you're in a situation right now where you feel stuck, disempowered, resentful — I lovingly challenge you to ask yourself:
Am I being honest with myself?
Am I justifying my powerlessness so I don’t have to face the truth?
You can’t practice personal responsibility without brutal self-honesty. And you can’t transform without taking real action — no matter how uncomfortable it is.
I’m still walking that path, nearly a decade later. Because this train doesn’t stop — but it does take you somewhere new. Somewhere true. Somewhere free.
You can listen to the full story on The Sovereign Soul Podcast here.
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