My life's personal “quest” has always been about happiness. I had a miserable life but never gave up on believing that happiness was possible. I was nearly 40 before I woke the fuck up to how I was playing the game and why I kept “losing”.
To know yourself is to self-actualise. But let's be real: you can't do that if you aren't willing to be brutally honest with yourself.
You can't do it if you don't want to put in the work, or if you refuse to understand how you actually function. And I have to say it: the majority of people just aren't interested in taking that leap.
For me, that's wild. My whole life, I've been starving for answers about myself. I was the person who read a self-help book and sought out the ones with all the exercises—I wanted the puzzles to solve. I don't lie when I call myself a personal growth junkie. If something could help me understand myself better and show me what I needed to change, I was all over it.
But even with all that, my progress was slow. Why? Because I was still a victim. A victim to myself. I was in denial, and living dishonestly with myself through that denial.
The thing that moves us from being a victim of ourselves to being the hero of our story is this: getting real. Honest. We have to admit that we are not only responsible for the life we live, but we are the only ones responsible for the changes we want in it. Happiness truly is an inside job and it starts with serious amounts of raw honesty with yourself.
Until we take that step, we just keep circling the same patterns. You know the saying—doing the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity. It's so true.
Change and progress is easy to see with something tangible, like a plant. You over water it, it dies. You get a new one, do the same thing, it dies. So you change it up. You give it less water, more sun, some food. You keep going because you really want that plant.
Inner work is different because there's no one outside of you to give you a pat on the back and say, "Yes! You're getting it right!" Nobody can see inside you. Only you can. You are literally pioneering a brand new journey with yourself. This undertaking and responsibility scares the shit out of most people.
Everything in our life is a reflection of the internal relationship with ourselves. We will have terrible relationships with other people and the world around us if we don't have a good one with ourselves.
The undertaking to heal your relationship with yourself is a life long journey. This journey can feel lonely, because it is the road less travelled.
But for those who are sick and tired of feeling inadequate no matter what they achieve... for those who keep circling back to deep unhappiness and the same drama... the way out is through brutal, transparent honesty with yourself, and doing a relationship makeover with yourself.
You have to be vulnerable with yourself first before you can be vulnerable with anyone else.
We have to look at the things we don't want to see.
We hate believing we're the cause of an inharmonious relationship. We hate admitting that the way we deal with things isn't healthy. We find this level of vulnerability and honesty petrifying.
It's so hard. Yet it's the only way to change behaviour that isn't serving you.
The work is always going to be about you.
You don't really move the needle until you realise this at the core of your being. And this is a train you don't get off. You will continuously work on yourself for the rest of your life.
But I promise you, it becomes so much easier once you break through those initial fears of seeing yourself honestly. The freedom on the other side is worth every scary moment.
To dive deeper you can listen to the full episode of the Sovereign Soul Podcast here.
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